In this video, Clay offers an exercise that can help you know if your ex is really who you want to have a relationship with.
In life, as in your daily chores, the best way to satisfy your goals is to plan your work, then work your plan. In this video, Clay offers an exercise to help identify the qualities you seek in a partner, then determine whether or not your ex actually fits into that model. You will be making a list so draw a line down the middle of a piece of paper and, on one side list the five things you absolutely will not tolerate in a partner.
This list should be honest and set in stone. In other words, if you can sometimes tolerate a partner who watches football on television, it should not be on the list. Your list might include things such as, cheating, lying, drug abuse, or having brown eyes. The list should accurately reflect those things that have no place in your life and which you cannot abide.
On the other half of the paper, list those things you must have in a partner. This can include anything as long as it’s truly important to you. Don’t worry if some of the things are not qualities you’d like other people to know about. If it’s important that he or she has money, write it down. If it’s important that a partner be a good money manager, write it down. The list must be honest and certain in its content.
Compare the ex
Once you have both sides of the paper complete with five things each, sit down and honestly compare your ex’s qualities with those you’ve listed. If your ex has even one of the intolerable qualities you have listed, you should think long and hard about whether you want to nurture a relationship with this person. No matter how many Must Have qualities your ex may have, even one bad quality should probably disqualify him or her.
You may imagine that your ex, or you, can change or alter to make the relationship a better match to your list. Perhaps you can become tolerant of blue eyes. Maybe she will consent to getting brown contact lenses. You cannot depend on change to happen, particularly if it is more than a cosmetic feature. Real people can change, but they have to want to make those changes for themselves. The best relationship for you is one that meets your personal criteria.
About Clay Andrews
Clay and Mika are the creators of Ex Solution Program and help couples get back together.
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