March 26, 2012

Jay and Laura- Episode 4

Video Transcript

Jay: Hi, Jay and Laura here and this is Jay and Laura here for your life, your marriage and your family. And we’re going to jump right in to marriage in the news.

Laura: We have some fun stuff this week to talk about.

Jay: Forbes Magazine, Tim Bower writes, ways budgeting saved his marriage.

Laura: I don’t believe it.

Jay: Well, yes, okay. In our marriage budgeting was huge because early on we found out that Jay was a saver and Laura was a…

Laura: spender. I don’t like that word budget.

Jay: At one point she had us in such credit card debt that we had to take drastic measures. But now, we budget; it’s so freeing and so fun because it gives you the chance to work together.

We’re going to talk about the benefits. But here’s what Mower says: over 50% of marriages end in divorce, of those 50% of those splits are because of financial disputes.

So the primary reason marriages end is because of financial disputes. And it goes on to say that 100% of marriages deal with money issues.

Laura: Because we all have money, whether it’s a lot or a little, and we all have to deal with it. But seriously, I did not like that word budget when we got married. I did not like it at all.

Jay: She liked the word credit card.

Laura: I did like that and the word spend that money not budget that money. But you know, here are some things that Tim wrote in his article that really resonated with me in ways that budgeting has saved our marriage.

One of those ways is that it forces us to collaborate. Its forced use to work together and realistically look at what we could spend; what we could realistically spend on the kids; here’s what we could realistically spend on…

Jay: Shoes.

Laura: Here’s what we can realistically spend on Laura’s wardrobe. All those kinds of things that forced us to collaborate. Another way that it helped us was that it forced us to healthy accountability.

Every time I went to the grocery store, Jay would ask me if I had the list; yes I had the list because if it wasn’t on the list, I didn’t buy it. It offered healthy accountability.

Another word is that it humbles us. You know why; when you come to your spouse and say “you know what, I screwed up for the umpteenth time; I spent too much on the credit card”.

Ask for forgiveness – and we’ll talk about that in a minute – but it really does humble. And another way, and this is the fun way, is that it does offer ways to celebrate.

Because when you do have to small victories and when you work so hard – and I worked so hard at budgeting and saw the bank accounts slowly growing and we were in the black, that was a celebration. So budgeting can save your marriage.

Jay: So if you have trouble budgeting and you need to get on the same page. There’s some great help out there and one of those is Dave Ramsey – just Google him – he can give you a lot of advice on your marriage.

Well, let’s move onto the Marriage Question of the Week, offered by you to us and it’s really quite interesting. I wanted to use this question last week and when I proposed it, Laura said no, no, no, no, we can’t do that.

Well then last night in our small group bible study, we were studying Colossians and, guess what, this question came up and I said that we have to do it this week, honey, because you have the answer from the bible.

So this week’s question is to Laura, “do you submit to Jay?”

Laura: First of all, why did you have to single me out? But anyway, no serious, we did talk about this in our small group last night and the answer is yes.

When I was reading about it in Colossians, I kinda hit on that word submit and I wanted to see what it meant. And it means to accept and yield to authority.

And here’s the deal, ladies, it says in Colossians that we have to submit to our husbands as we submit to the Lord and if you call yourself a Christian, you are already submitting to the Lord – at least I hope you are, if you’re a Christian – and all it’s saying is that you know what, God has ordained our husbands to the head of the house and we have to accept and yield to that authority, just like we do to the Lord; not that they’re Jesus, not that they’re saviors, but you know what; this is what God’s told us to do and yeah it’s hard and it ain’t easy sometimes but God has told us to do it.

Jay: And while we’re the head, realize this – you’re the neck; you’re what turns the neck and there’s no disagreeing that.

Laura: Moving right along to the Connection Corner, where we’re going to help you connect with your spouse, your kids, your parents; whoever you need to connect with, we’re going to give you some tips to help you.

And one of the things is that we love to do – I love to do – is to do research; I like to read people’s blogs…yeah, yeah, yeah, you don’t like to do research…

Jay: I like to research golf and baseball and…

Laura: Exactly. But one of the websites I stumbled upon this week was called Marriage Missions asked this question “can you rebuild trust in your marriage” and I thought of course you can; it just involves forgiveness and I was having this conversation in my mind.

And then I started reading what they were writing and this is what they said: This is a tough tough subject because there is such a misunderstanding of what trust entails.

Many people think that it is tied into forgiving someone but in reality forgiving someone and trusting them are two different acts of faith.

You can forgive a person without every trusting that person but you cannot trust someone without forgiving them first. It is not a prerequisite to trust someone to forgive them; trusting God is.

You’re trusting God when you forgive and you know what, how true that is; we can forgive someone but when we forgive our spouse for overspending or saying an unkind word – or even bigger than that – we have to forgive them; we’re told we have to forgive.

But we don’t have to trust them right there and then; what we’re doing is trusting God to change them and keep them from having that action again.

When Jay forgave me for spending too much, he forgave me but he had to trust that I was going to learn and not do that again.

Jay: Very good. Well, real life with Jay and Laura. We were in Sparta, Wisconsin and we met a lot of fun people this weekend.

Laura: Cheeseheads!

Jay: And I actually bought something home with me. If you can tell, I’ve got a little frog in the throat but what happened in Sparta was this.

We did a workshop on the Friday and Saturday and the Pastor asked if I could stay over Sunday and asked if I could preach at the two services.

I was like “you bet”. I love ministry; I love ministry to all kinds of people so Sunday was a no brainer. So the first service was a 8 o’clock in the morning and in my brain, I was like “okay, I need to be at the church at 7:30, I’ll get up at 6:30 so I can be prepared”.

Well, as I rolled over on Sunday morning and peered through blurry eyes at the digital clock next to our hotel bed; I thought it said 6:30.

But you know what the interesting thing about a digital clock? The 6 and the 5, there’s only one little bar missing to see the difference between the 5 and the 6.

It was actually 5:30 but in my brain it was 6:30 so I got up, brushed my teeth and I go down to the little hotel breakfast area to get a muffin and I pop out to the car at, what I think is 7:20, and pop open the car.

The clock on the car says 6:20 and I’m like, that can’t be right, so I whipped out my iPhone and though oh no! It’s 6:20. I’m an hour early and I start thinking well, what can I do?

I can’t go back to the hotel room because if I wake up Sleeping beauty, she ain’t going to be so beautiful so I drove to McDonald’s and got a cup of coffee.

I had a whole extra hour to prepare for my sermon. Actually, what I did was listen to the farmers talking about what farmers talk about but anyway…That is real life with us; it happens, we’re just a couple of goofballs and we get to share our stories with you.

Well, that’s Jay and Laura, and Jay’s Frog, saying we really appreciate you. We’re here for your life, your marriage and your family; have a great day.

Laura: Hey, are you watching this on Facebook? Then you know what, push that little button right down there that says share. Post it on your Facebook wall; share it with your friends and spread the word.

About the authors

Jay grew up in Petoskey, Michigan, and attended Taylor University, graduating with degrees in Biblical Literature and Music.

Jay served as an Executive Director in Youth for Christ for 15 years. He is one of a handful of certified Dynamic Communications International instructors.

Laura grew up in Atlanta, Georgia, and attended Montreat Anderson College and Belhaven College, graduating with a degree in Social Ministries.

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