Hi, I’m Dr. Margaret Paul, author and relationship expert for the past 42 years. I’d like to talk to you about frustration. We have all experienced frustration.
Think of the last time you were frustrated with a person or a situation, did you think it was the person or the situation that were causing your feeling of frustration?
That’s the error that many of us make.
We think that our feelings are coming from something external, that our feelings of frustration are being caused by somebody or something.
The reality is that out frustration is caused by two things.
One is, we often have an expectation of how somebody should be or how a situation should be, like if your computer isn’t working, you had an expectation that it wouldn’t crash and you’re going to feel frustrated. But the other thing that is happening with frustration is that it’s covering over a deeper feeling.
A feeling that is very hard to feel and this is the feeling of helplessness. Now, many people will do anything to avoid the feeling of helplessness because when we were babies and we were helpless, we cried and nobody came, we could have died. So the feeling of helplessness gets attached to something very frightening.
Many people will do anything to avoid the feeling of helplessness. We will get angry. We will get frustrated. We will shut down. We will do all kinds of things.
We will give ourselves up to not feel the feeling of helplessness. Frustration is one of the things we go to.
The wounded part of us, our ego self, likes to believe that getting angry or irritated or frustrated has some control over things, like if we get upset enough then maybe we could have some control over the situation.
It’s our trying to have control that covers over the feeling of helplessness that we are afraid to feel. But actually, when you learn how to manage this feeling, then you find yourself not going very often to frustration.
Now, the inner bonding process is a very powerful process for learning to manage the feeling of frustration.
It’s an important feeling to learn how to manage because you don’t want to be going to irritation and anger and frustration when things don’t go your way.
So it’s really important to learn how to manage this feeling in a very loving way and it’s not as hard as you think, but it is a process you can learn.
When you learn how to manage helplessness then you can embrace the feeling, you learn how to let it move through you. What this does, this does something actually very important, when we go into our anger or judgment or frustration, and we lower our frequency.
Think about a room full of people who are angry and it’s kind of a heavy dark energy and that’s what I mean by lowering the frequency. But if you think about a room full of people who are very happy and joyous, that’s a high frequency.
So when we are in a low frequency, what’s happening is that we are actually not able to access what we can do about the situation. We are not able to access the information that’s loving to us.
It’s hard to think when we are angry or frustrated. It’s so much better to learn to manage the helplessness, let it move through you and then move into the higher frequency of opening to learning about what would be loving to you in this situation.
When you move into the high frequency, it’s easy to access that information. All of this you can learn by practicing inner bonding. So I encourage you to come to our website at innerbonding.com.
You can take our free course. You can become a member of our site and get lots of support. You can come to workshops, intensives, read books and other products. You can have individual sessions.
There’s so many ways of learning the inner bonding process. I hope I see you online.
About the author
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books,relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process -featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette.
Visit her website at http://www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone sessions available.
Visit http://innerbonding.com/relationshipmicro/ for a free video on conflict, rejection and control issues you may be having.
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