Have you ever made fun of your wife in front of others? Have you ever said anything knowing full well that you’d hurt her? Do you keep her out of your life when she desperately wants in?
Every word that comes out of a man’s mouth should work to encourage or understand his wife. By doing anything else, you break the promise you made to love, cherish, honor, and protect her. Why do you break this promise?
First, o you take Ephesians 5:22 too far? “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands . . . .” This verse has been entirely misused, as there’s a lot more about equality in this passage than some would care to recognize. In short, the great equalizer is how Christ came to serve, not be served.
A man who loves his wife as Christ did will want what is best for her. He will not lord over her as a king. Ephesians 5 should never be used to support a doctrine of male superiority. Also, submission does not mean inferiority, but some have made it so. Furthermore, the subsequent verses seem to have been neglected totally by some men.
Verses 25 and 28 say to “love your wives.” How can a man who loves his wife degrade her? How can a man who hopes to win her admiration curse at her? Would a man who looks at his wife with contempt be willing to die for her as verse 25 instructs?
Second, men enjoy fixing problems, being the go-to-guy and understanding issues others don’t. However, men often fail in this arena. They lose their temper out of frustration when they don’t understand something, and what is one thing they don’t understand? Their wives.
Specifically, a man may not understand his wife’s needs, what she says, does, or even how she thinks. Why? Because women are different from men. This doesn’t make a connection between spouses impossible. It just means we have to try.
You worked to understand your wife when you were dating. Now, you must continue this while juggling the pressures of children and a job. It’s tough, but so rewarding.
Third, you may treat your wife poorly because of a past experience. Men, who had difficult relationships with their mothers, may expect similar behaviors from their wives. “You’re a no good son” can ring in a man’s heart for years, and unless he overcomes this, he may expect the same from his wife.
In response, he works long hours to prove that he is good for something. This keeps his spouse at arms length. If feelings were never discussed in the home (by mom or dad) the man may be reluctant to talk about what he needs or wants from the marriage; leaving the wife confused. So, when the good wife is frustrated because her husband never talks, he will become defensive, putting up a wall to keep her out.
Finally, you may have control issues. You like things your way. Are you an only child or the youngest in your family? You’re accustomed to getting your way. This is very childish.
If you truly care for your wife, you must grow up. See her needs and take care of her. She will then, very quickly, work to do the same for you.
About the author
Dale Sadler is a Licensed Professional Counselor / Mental Health Service Provider, practicing in White House, TN.
He is also the author of two books available on Amazon: 28 Days to A Better Marriage and How to Argue with Your Teen & Win.
He enjoys working with families and married couples. He believes that most families can thrive, and those who aren’t, have either forgotten or just don’t know how to.
Visit http://dalesadler.net/ to know more about Dale.
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