When living a busy life with a job and kids, intimacy is often difficult to accomplish. Dinner, clean up, homework, baths, and you have got to relax there sometime. Take in to account that all of this has to be done within a time span of four hours (from 5pm – 9pm.) It is a lot to do. The bed is calling you and it is not saying, “hey good looking.” Instead, you drop off quickly and the process starts all over again. Your sex life suffers and ultimately your marriage does too. Foreplay is the key to ensuring a healthy sex life.
Here are a few steps.
First, shower. There is no better reason to not have sex than if someone is still reeking from the day. You are more appealing and sex is more fun when you are clean, so take this time.
Secondly, decide between the two of you on some simple signals to show that you are receptive. Showering is one, wearing a particular outfit, or even music playing can all tell your spouse that you are interested. The first two are natural things you do before bed. The third implies a little more intention. They may not be discussed unless your spouse does not know how to interpret “signals.”
Third, start by standing up. Lying down in bed triggers your body to sleep, particularly if you are tired. Dancing together to the music is entirely underrated. Again, do not expect anything in particular but do expect to be a bit physical with your spouse. This is the point. Where you end up will be determined.
Fourth, foreplay can last all day or even all week. Think about it while at work. Call and flirt or send seductive texts, just be sure you are sending to the right person.
Finally, if you really do want to make love yet neither of you really feel like it at all, set an alarm for ninety minutes from when you lay down. The chaos of the day will leave your mind and you will get enough rest to actually “feel like it.”
To go along with all of these tips, do not start with a preconceived idea of what should happen. If one does not feel up to it, do not pressure. Sex must be allowed, not forced. Just enjoy being together and let the deeper physical intimacy happen naturally. Additionally, get started even if you do not feel like it. You will be surprised at how quickly your mood can change when the kissing begins.
About the author
Dale Sadler is a Licensed Professional Counselor / Mental Health Service Provider, practicing in White House, TN.
He is also the author of two books available on Amazon: 28 Days to A Better Marriage and How to Argue with Your Teen & Win.
He enjoys working with families and married couples. He believes that most families can thrive, and those who aren’t, have either forgotten or just don’t know how to.
Visit www.dalesadler.net to know more about Dale.
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