Men are often simple creatures.
They just need a few things to be happy and for the most part, as long as you keep his simple needs met, he will never want to leave… even when you are sick of him!
Now, with that said, women being the polar opposite, tend to complicate the simple things.
“The biggest reason why a man will leave is because he is often PUSHED into leaving.”
Whereas a guy is happy with pizza, beer and the XBOX, women need a LOT of love, attention and care to feel just as content.
Often, this is where the trouble begins.
Here’s how women push a man away:
1. When A Man Feels Trapped & Isolated
If a man feels trapped in his relationship, this is when he will seriously contemplate leaving. Feeling trapped is when he feels isolated from his family, from his friends and from the things he likes to do and enjoy.
If he feels his identity is stripped from him and he lacks freedom to do what he enjoys, then he is going to feel trapped and caged like an animal.
And you know what caged animals eventually want to do?
The more you put restrictions on a man, tell him what he can and can’t do, how much time he can do this and how much of something he can have, the more pinned down he is going to feel.
Do you remember what it was like when your parents told you to do something?
Most likely, when you’re told (especially ORDERED) to do something, the more unwilling you are to do it.
A man will start out being extremely tolerant in the relationshop. This is because he wants to please you; he enjoys making you happy and seeing you smile.
And in the beginning, you’re probably really NICE to him too.
Instead of yelling at him, you probably showed him encouraging new ways to get something done.
You had a lot of tolerance and patience too!
But what happens overtime is that LIFE gets in the way. Eg. the new boss is pissing you off, you start to feel insecure about yourself, you can’t help but notice all your friends are married except you… etc.
Let me warn you right now.
INSECURITY is the number 1 culprit for why women start to place restrictions on a man.
There’s a guy I know who broke up with his girlfriend because she became too demanding and too “needy” after one year in the relationship.
He led me to believe that she was “The One”.
Well, that clearly did not last because near the end of that relationship, he was extremely unhappy and extremely isolated from his friends and family.
“She really didn’t like my family. She felt everytime I spoke to them, they were trying to convince me to break up with her. This led to her getting angry every time I spoke to them and eventually I wasn’t allowed to contact them at all.” He had told me.
“This eventually led to me not being able to hang out with my friends and then finally she started being annoyed every time I wasn’t around to give her attention. I just got so fed up of the whole thing.”
This woman clearly had a major fear of losing this guy, and eventually she pushed him into the one thing she feared the most!
This sort of thing happens all the time in life and in relationships. The more you focus on what you DON’T want, the more that thing will likely happen!
When you’re driving your car, if your focus is on a telegraph pole on the side of the road, are you more likely stir right into it? Yep!
Here’s the other thing that you’re subsconsciously sending your man when you place restrictions on him. To him, you’re really saying, “I don’t trust you“.
To distrust your man when he has done nothing wrong will FUEL him to do exactly what you don’t want him to do… to go behind your back, lie and keep things from you.
A man still wants his freedom in a relationship. He needs to feel trusted enough by his woman that he can go off and enjoy time away from her.
When he feels you don’t trust him and he is restricted in what he can do in the relationship, eventually he’ll leave because he believes:
a. There is no room to grow.
b. It will only get worse.
c. He can’t gain your trust.
d. He doesn’t have your full support.
When a guy sees being with you as a DEADEND. He will eventually pucker up the courage to leave, no matter how painful and how much he’d rather avoid it.
2. When A Man Is Constantly Made To Feel Less Than A Man
Most men love to feel masculine, dominant and manly because it’s one of the quickest ways to give them a confidence boost.
In a relationship, a man wants to know he is fulfilling his role as your man and a man you are PROUD to be with. And guess what? He is always looking for signs that he makes you happy, you are proud of him and you appreciate him.
A woman who emasculates her man, puts him down and constantly criticizes him will only make him feel useless as a partner.
The truth is if your man feels he can never make you happy no matter what he does, he is going to leave to make some other woman happy instead.
Now, you may be wondering, why would a woman unknowingly emasculate her man?
There are a few reasons:
a. A woman’s primary need is to feel SECURE in a relationship. By emasculating her man, it gives her a sense of power over her man. This sense of power gives her security because if he is willing to stay with her, it means he truly loves her and won’t leave her.
b. Women temporarily “forget” that a man is meant to be a man. Ever wanted your guy to do something just because YOU wanted to do it? Like watch Oprah, Sex In the City or Reality TV shows when he really just wanted to watch sport, play video games or just do something else?
Well, have you ever gotten angry when a guy didn’t agree with something you said? Perhaps something that “may” have made him appear “gay” or “feminine” if he had admitted to liking it?
The latter example really comes back to a lack of understanding of the male species. To better communicate with your man, you need to see things from his point of view and where he is coming from.
Here’s another tip about men that most women will never know.
A big part of wanting to be this “alpha” male is the need to want to solve problems and “fix things”.
What women tend to do is complain, nag and talk about their problems.
A man doesn’t want to sit around and talk about them, he wants to fix and DO. When he can’t, he will go blank, block it out or retreat to some place “nicer” and you will lose him.
This is when you get mad at your man and you’re nagging at him but he starts to go off in his own world.
At this point, doesn’t it feel you’re not aprpeciated or cared for? It’s not that he doesn’t care, it’s just he doesn’t know what you want from him or what he can do to fix it.
This does nothing but point out his inadequacy of being a man e.g. helping you, satisfying you and making you happy. This kind of thing KILLS a man, because you’re essentially saying “you’re not good enough as a man, to be my man”.
When a man feels inadequate and less than should be, he will start to build negative emotions and associations towards you. Sooner or later, he just has to look at you or hear your voice to feel inadequate and unhappy.
This is where relationship “patterns” are developed.
For example, remember back to your childhood. Can you think of a tone of voice your father or mother used, for you to think you’re instantly in trouble? Did this usually lead you being right?
Patterns like this are developed in your relationships also, but it’s worse because your partner isn’t your parents and the instant you feel like they ARE, that’s when you want to leave!
The same thing happens for a man in a relationship. Overtime, he’ll build resentment towards his woman, which will force him to find someone who he CAN satisfy and who appreciates him for what he has to offer.
3. When A Man Is Pressured Into Commitment
This may seem contradictory, but although most men are One-Girl Guys who want to settle down and have kids, most of these men also FEAR commitment.
Now, if a guy actually wants to get married and settle down, WHY then wouldn’t he want to get married and settle down?!?
Because you need to understand how men think!
Although a guy may want these things, he also wants to feel that they’re HIS wants and HIS decision to make.
Remember, men need to feel in control and independent. His vision of being a man is to be strong, independent, brave and a provider for his family. This is stuff that is genetically INGRAINED in him.
How can he be this independent person when there’s a woman beside him ordering him around and pushing commitment onto him?
There’s a great scene in the movie, He’s Just Not That Into You, between Beth (played by Jennifer Aniston) and Neil (played by Ben Affleck).
This is a couple in a long term relationship that doesn’t appear to be going anywhere. Beth is nearing that age where she wants to be married and settle down.
Neil is the kind of guy who doesn’t believe in marriage.
What is interesting is when Beth mistakenly assumes that, because Neil isn’t ready to marry her that that means he doesn’t love her… or love her as much as she thinks he should.
And then breaks up with him thinking that this relationship is not going anywhere so it must end.
What is sad about this couple is just how relatable these people are. Have you ever wanted your guy to make a commitment because to make that commitment signified that he really truly loves you?
A committment could be any of the examples below:
- Move in together
- Be proposed to
- Get married
- Buy a house together
- Move within the same city as each other
- Having kids together
Basically for women, we see this as an action that simplifies your man’s love for you.
That’s all well and good except for the fact that MEN do not think this way!
When a man hears a woman suggest that they “move in together”, he will instantly be thinking 2-3 steps ahead of you. Moving in together is just the same as getting married!
This is not so much a problem if he sees a high possibility of marrying you in the future- like I said, most men are One-Girl Guys, that’s what he wants!
It IS a problem when you start to PUSH commitment onto him.
When you make assumptions like this:
“Why don’t you want to move in with me? Don’t you love me?”
“Why don’t you want to get married? Don’t you love me enough? Is it because of that blonde I always see you chatting with at work?”
There’s nothing more grating to a guy than these sorts of comments.
First, there are very manipulative ways to get a guy to do something he may not be ready to do (just because he sees a future with you doesn’t mean he wants to marry you right this minute).
Second, because you’re pressuring him, he is going to associate negativity towards actually doing it.
Look, I don’t know about you, but if someone was to tell me to do something I was going to do anyway, it would probably put me off doing it!
Because as soon as someone tells me to do something, it no longer becomes something I wanted to do on my own.
My BEST advice… is to simply enjoy each other in the moment, trust him fully and accept that marriage is only a piece of paper that lets everyone else know you’re committed to each other. It doesn’t mean you are less committed without it.
Show him you love him through your day to day actions and appreciate the little things he does for you. The more you do this and stop pressuring him, the more willing he will be to commit to you on his own.
Here’s a quote I’d like you to remember:
“A man will have found The One when the feat of losing her to another man FAR outweighs the fear of commitment.”
Remind your man everyday of how good you are for him and he will never ever want to leave you, which leads me nicely to my next point.
4. The Mother Syndrome
Believe it or not, although men advocate that they want a woman to take care of them, this is a common trap that a lot of women tend to fall into.
There IS a difference between being a LOVER and being a MOTHER. Please don’t confuse the two.
The Mother Syndrome is why women mistakenly assume the more you do for man, the more he will love you.
In fact, what this does is suck all the passion and romance right out of the relationship.
Remember, when you first started dating? Did he put in an effort to court you? To chase you? Well, it’s one of the things that women do that drive men crazy (in a good way).
And that is to play hard to get.
If you make everything too easy for him, he will eventually get bored and subsequently feel trapped by the monotony of the relationship.
How To Play Hard To Get In 4 Steps:
This is a simple 4 step principle to play hard to get and getting a man to chase after you. Use with care!
a. Give him something that captures his interest.
b. Just when he is enraptured… take it away from him.
c. Keep eye contact, give him a cheeky grin to let him know you are playing with him.
d. Watch him case after you uncontrollably!
Trust me, this works EVERY TIME! Any man will fall for this because it is in their NATURE to chase after a woman who plays him like this. It’s this playful teasing that drives a man wild.
5. Insecurity Kills Relationships 9 Times Out Of 10
Finally, I just had to put in this last point which I feel is what affects 90% of relationships where men end up leaving.
An insecure woman is like a slow poison to a man.
Once a man has been bitten by an insecure woman, he will never look at another woman quite the same way.
This is because the first experience would have been so traumatic and so life changing that he will never want to relive it again.
The problem with insecure women is that they’re constantly in a relationship trying to GET something from her man.
Insecure women will constantly need reassurance that she is loved, he is thinking of her and he won’t leave her.
This can drive a man crazy because not only does he need to deal with his own issues but he needs to carry all of hers too.
Insecure women also expect a lot out of her man, and often these expectations go without being “said”, so the guy will often be left guessing as to what he SHOULD have done or said.
Basically it comes down to how happy you are about yourself. If you’re happy with yourself, then you won’t need to look to him all the time to make you happy.
The less you rely on your guy to do this for you, the happier and less stressful he will be to be in a relationship with you.
This article is an excerpt from Ashley Kay’s Ex Recovery System For Women
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